Fear of flying

I'm lucky that I've never been frightened of flying. Admittedly, I don't actually believe in aeroplanes. You can talk science to me until you're blue in the face, but I'll never understand how a 300-ton piece of metal stays in the air, let alone how it gets there in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, it must be magic, so I try not to think about that too much when I'm actually in the air. But I'm not one of those people who sits nervously waiting at the airport, knocking back a G&T or a Valium. And, on the whole, I enjoy the flight itself, although it rather depends on who's sitting behind me.

This time will be different. For the first time, I'm actually worried about the flight. Stressed is normal - but this time I'm scared. It started, of course, with the announcement about the terrorist threat on flights to and from America. I felt instantly relieved that we were travelling in the opposite direction, especially as we had previously considered America as a destination for this summer. I felt less confident, however, when the advice was extended to all flights. Practically, it's no problem - my phone would always be charged up before a flight anyway, although I imagine the queues for security will be a fair bit longer. It's more the idea of it - someone somewhere's sole purpose in life right now is to work on an undetectable device of mass murder. It makes me feel sick to the stomach. It is always awful to turn on the television and hear about an earthquake or a tsunami, where the loss of life can be devastating. But somehow it feels worse to me when I hear about something caused by other people - deliberate and avoidable. Likewise, there are so many terrible wars going on in the world, and I feel for everybody involved and those who've lost friends and family. But I am guilty, like many others, of being able to put it to the back of my mind, as it doesn't directly affect me. The tragic events of 911 touched so many because it brought things to the forefront of people's minds. Suddenly, this wasn't something happening somewhere else. This was something that could happen to us. I remember trying to explain what had happened to a class of 30 seven-year-olds - it was very difficult to reassure them when I was feeling so scared myself. And here we are again, with a potential threat of another aircraft disaster hanging over us, and the knowledge that there are people out there trying to cause it. But life has to go on, I told myself. It's probably an extra-safe time to fly, as there are so many extra precautions in place. It won't happen to me - what are the chances? But in the back of my mind, there's the knowledge that everyone thinks it won't happen to them - but it does happen to some people...

Just as I was starting to adjust to the whole bombs-in-phones issue, I heard the devastating news about the Malaysian Airlines plane that was shot down (allegedly) over the Ukraine. Hearing about a major plane disaster ahead of taking a flight myself was never going to be good. But, again, the fact that it was deliberate rather than accidental makes it all the more tragic - and frightening. I cried when I read about all those innocent people, going on holiday, returning from visiting family, en route to a work conference - all caught in the wrong place at the wrong time in a conflict that had nothing to do with them. Of course, there are so many innocent people that lose their lives every day, through war, famine, illness or accident - and, as a mother , I find myself crying very easily when I read about it. I confess I often take the route of closing my ears and eyes and not thinking about it, because it's just so damn depressing. But this particular disaster has affected me that little bit more because - well, it could have been me. It could have been my family and friends talking on the news about the tragic end to our trip of a lifetime. It's easy to separate yourself from things that are happening on the other side of the world. But when you and your family are flying right over the top of them, it's a different matter. I'm suddenly filled with such a sense of responsibility, knowing that I'm making the decision to take my children on a flight at such a politically volatile time. Am I being irresponsible? On the plus side, I'm guessing there will be all sorts of extra security and safeguards in light of the recent awful events. There's probably never been a safer time to fly - but I wish with all my heart that the reason for that hadn't been the loss of so many innocent lives.

So, we're going to Australia. On a plane. And I'm scared. But I'm also telling myself not to be so silly. You can't live life too frightened to do anything. Life is short, and I want to live it without regrets - as far as I can. Life goes on, and hopefully we will look back on this summer as one filled with amazing experiences - and we'll be very glad we took the plunge and carried on regardless.

Incidentally,  I visited the Cathay Pacific website soon after hearing about the Malaysian plane, in the hope of reassuring myself that they don't fly over Ukranian airspace (they don't). The first thing I saw on their home page was typhoon warnings for flights to and from Hong Kong (our first stop). Great... anything else?!